If You Really Loved Me

Someone said there are three kinds of love: I love you if…,  or I love you because…,  or I love you in spite of...  Obviously, God’s love for us is an “I love you in spite of” kind of love in that while we were sinners, and whether we love Him or not, He died for us and demonstrated His unconditional “in spite of” kind of love. (Romans 5:8)

But what about those three kinds of love between people?  Oftentimes people handle love only in conditional ways such as “because…” or “if…”.  In the “because” kind, loving responses are based on something they are getting from the relationship.  Many relationships are based on reciprocal “because” kinds of loving.  When one party ceases to need or be receiving from the other, the relationship dies. 

In the conditional “if” kind, loving responses are based on if you agree with me, or if you do what I want you to do for me.  But if you disagree or won’t support something I’m doing, we’re done. 

If we use God’s love as the reflection and definition of true love, then “because” and “if” relationships don’t deserve to be called love at all.  They are basically just standard human manipulations based on our insecurities and efforts to meet our own personal felt needs through interactions with others. 

Though unconditional love is a marvelous thing, there are times with people when even it isn’t enough.  If they only know “because” or “if” kinds of “love”, when they are given unconditional love that doesn’t include agreement with them or giving them whatever they want, they check out, and will often claim they weren’t loved at all or loved very well.

Where does this happen?  In marriages, among siblings, between parents and children, and in the Body of Christ.  Wherever love is expected, it can be misunderstood, wrongly defined, withheld, and a tool of manipulation. 

God expects us to love with His “in spite of” kind of love, and to “speak the truth in love” to each other, even when the truth isn’t what someone wants to hear or believe that it is so.  (Ephesians 4:11-16)

Bottom line: We should determine to love everyone with God’s “in spite of” kind of love.  And be sure the loving relationships we have with others are not ones in which we are manipulating them to get what we want, or letting them do that to us.  God’s kind of love does not manipulate.  It serves and blesses, but always stands with the truth.  (1 Corinthians 13:4-8 This passage says it pretty well, don’t you think?  J)